I went to the toilet earlier
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
as a rule predators leave pointed spoor........see, entertaining and educational on here
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
lol.. if its warm you eather just missed them, spooked them...or..........its about tu get yu!!!!!!!sunndog wrote:as a rule predators leave pointed spoor........see, entertaining and educational on here
if its one of mine..it'll get yu up to 3 days later, suffercasion usualy, i thouroughly enjoyed supplying the demanded! i mean he was right shirty 'wheres yu sample!' problem is he said not unles asked for. i gently referred to the confersasion, and got one dem tiney demmy jon pots no scoop! for the snoopy doop!
so i just blast filled the f**ker right to the top..hehehe ever been to an oil slick beach? thats nothing.
washed hands and outer bottle, needed to bag n tag it, twice and third double twisty, 20 minutes later the wait room was like a small chemical waiste site, visiters left, those to sick to leave perished i think.
as i gently opened the door, the dr's head beee-ounced of the solid odour sphere eminating from pocket. (defo get a seat on the bus to myself with that one).
he then had the cheek!! to kick in with attitude 'what is that!!!' so i removed from the bagging, he clapped eyes on it and gagged, gagged again, just as he caugh his breath to kick off again i went for lid!!!!!!!!!!
never sheen a shirty shit suddenly be so nice. 'please put it over there' we both just knew in one of those bonding monents, music in the back round, we looked at each other and just knew...that just wasnt far enough away
'who is that masked man? its the kemosabby der..the bloody injun tells you every week!'
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some bloke
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Re: I went to the toilet earlier
That was a bit of a cliff hanger there snoops.
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
i'm not usually unduly interested in me poo once it is in the loo... i mean, Im a GUY... I will look. "well... thats interesting...", but thats about it.
my theory, is that i must have MADE IT to the loo? WOnderful, i didnt shat myself. AN accomplishment all in itself for a delivery driver.
there was paper? the thing flushed and carried it away? *optimum*
my theory, is that i must have MADE IT to the loo? WOnderful, i didnt shat myself. AN accomplishment all in itself for a delivery driver.
there was paper? the thing flushed and carried it away? *optimum*
Well, I understand that, boys... but see, my CAT gets the silly idea you're making fun of HIM... then he gets, *really* mean...
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
sedcar..yu really need to check yu doings matey.. could save your life one day 
at school when shouted at 'pay atension boy!' my reply was 'i do sir' what didnt say was i do check my snoopy doops', seemed to pass the day with a smirk
some bloke..the sarky attack was after years of being fobbed at the gp's, the worste was some dick sprouts 'dont be proposterous' closest i've come to launching in years lol. that doc that got the goody bottle was the one after, he thought i was 'propsterous' too.. hehehe the only thing i really aught to of done was shouted 'suprise!!! duh dahhhh'
a tip from an exspert on the matter sedcar, carry wet wipes, in an emergency it can take a severe pile of loo roll up an ally way or behind a bush..very visable like.
2 or 3 wet wipes later its all clean and fresh with a wee ting to aid you on your way lol. (beware though if you get stopped by the bobbies they may think you mearly recreationising if your on the fone with a pack of wipes at the ready )
at school when shouted at 'pay atension boy!' my reply was 'i do sir' what didnt say was i do check my snoopy doops', seemed to pass the day with a smirk some bloke..the sarky attack was after years of being fobbed at the gp's, the worste was some dick sprouts 'dont be proposterous' closest i've come to launching in years lol. that doc that got the goody bottle was the one after, he thought i was 'propsterous' too.. hehehe the only thing i really aught to of done was shouted 'suprise!!! duh dahhhh'
a tip from an exspert on the matter sedcar, carry wet wipes, in an emergency it can take a severe pile of loo roll up an ally way or behind a bush..very visable like.
2 or 3 wet wipes later its all clean and fresh with a wee ting to aid you on your way lol. (beware though if you get stopped by the bobbies they may think you mearly recreationising if your on the fone with a pack of wipes at the ready
)'who is that masked man? its the kemosabby der..the bloody injun tells you every week!'
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
since theres some interest in the matter.... i have one true story about poo-problems... I honestly thought i was going to pass into the hereafter, but, i made it through.... barely...
it stretched the boundaries of good taste, but, i tell it with enough clinical terms, it passes muster.
your call on the matter...
it stretched the boundaries of good taste, but, i tell it with enough clinical terms, it passes muster.
your call on the matter...
Well, I understand that, boys... but see, my CAT gets the silly idea you're making fun of HIM... then he gets, *really* mean...
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
go for it...we're all adults here, and cant be told off now he he he
'who is that masked man? its the kemosabby der..the bloody injun tells you every week!'
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
ohh go on, i'll lower the standards first..
ok.. so i was at uni, came from night shifts of miles a night, or lugging tons of packs,furnitures etc about, serious flow rate, uni called an off i went.
first things first yu sat all day doing nowt physical, theres heating and even food! it was like a holiday, well ish, apart from the brain battering like lol.(fighting to stay awake can be very awkward)
so i wake up with ermmm, a 'pile' of all things, never had one before like, but this was as the wife then exspliained 'its huge! you better go see a dr'..so i did (like 7 days later for the apointment. meanwhile back at the ranch i could'nt sit in any posision without this little finger end sized thing touching down and constantly reminding me what grandads bad days were all about.
so i arrive..sat waiting, then it dawns on me, the ermm exam is going to involve me arse end up showing me goodies out proud like..just then a young woman apears from a drs room, i slightly panicked, my thougts were a pritty young doc is going to prod my ass!! i no want it i no want it!! she calls some one else and i sigh a releif, then a male doctor calls my name out, 'yeess' i thought, untill i got to the door and realised ermmm now some blokes gunna prod around me old sphinctar there!! i want the woman i want the woman!! (the fe-ckin termoil!! i tell yu!!)
ok its too late now..in i go, nice bloke and all that, mild manored etc, but he's more imbarrised than i am about it, a chat and the formalities and 'hop up on the bench', knees bedded in ma chin and starting to wander if this was such a good idia, i mean this aint gunna be one of those more natural every day occurences, like stubbing yu toe or catching a nail up yu hand here...its ma butt hole ffs!!
in goes the lubed rubber gloved finger and i just cringe...then stop, hey this guys good, but, i thought it more fitting to not humour out on this one, after all the guy has a definate advantage over me at this point..or more like the finger point had me over a bench! but..didnt hurt, shouldnt be there like but no it didnt hurt, then at that moment he twisled what felt like some kitchen fork around!! ooo i did hurt me right in me nether to be seen bits..the reason for the knees up i prosume is so yu cant jump outa fe-rkin window!
so...the thing continues, fingers out...ffffffffffffffew..dunnit, he turns to me and sais 'i have to ask, do you insert large imploments', hu? fu gawds sake theres me not humouring and the guys got me! lmao!! but no, they have to ask..so i reply 'well..no?'
ok the hard bits dun, still a bit of tingy tang on my new little finger there, the sweats slowing and the formalities of yes you've got a whopping pile there etc etc..as i walk out the door he's typing up on the pc there happily, i sort of couldnt hold it any more and gently asked 'do coke bottles count?' (and no i dont it was retaliasion on the question of large imploment, all in the best passs-able taiste like)
the poor bloke froze solid over the key board, i laughed out loud and left.
the moral to the tale is..shit!!! did that go on my records!!
the thing apeared one night and simply was gone one morning later, i cant help thinking about alien abductions and the old surgery thing 'something left in there'...hmmmm makes yu wander dont it.
ok.. so i was at uni, came from night shifts of miles a night, or lugging tons of packs,furnitures etc about, serious flow rate, uni called an off i went.
first things first yu sat all day doing nowt physical, theres heating and even food! it was like a holiday, well ish, apart from the brain battering like lol.(fighting to stay awake can be very awkward)
so i wake up with ermmm, a 'pile' of all things, never had one before like, but this was as the wife then exspliained 'its huge! you better go see a dr'..so i did (like 7 days later for the apointment. meanwhile back at the ranch i could'nt sit in any posision without this little finger end sized thing touching down and constantly reminding me what grandads bad days were all about.
so i arrive..sat waiting, then it dawns on me, the ermm exam is going to involve me arse end up showing me goodies out proud like..just then a young woman apears from a drs room, i slightly panicked, my thougts were a pritty young doc is going to prod my ass!! i no want it i no want it!! she calls some one else and i sigh a releif, then a male doctor calls my name out, 'yeess' i thought, untill i got to the door and realised ermmm now some blokes gunna prod around me old sphinctar there!! i want the woman i want the woman!! (the fe-ckin termoil!! i tell yu!!)
ok its too late now..in i go, nice bloke and all that, mild manored etc, but he's more imbarrised than i am about it, a chat and the formalities and 'hop up on the bench', knees bedded in ma chin and starting to wander if this was such a good idia, i mean this aint gunna be one of those more natural every day occurences, like stubbing yu toe or catching a nail up yu hand here...its ma butt hole ffs!!
in goes the lubed rubber gloved finger and i just cringe...then stop, hey this guys good, but, i thought it more fitting to not humour out on this one, after all the guy has a definate advantage over me at this point..or more like the finger point had me over a bench! but..didnt hurt, shouldnt be there like but no it didnt hurt, then at that moment he twisled what felt like some kitchen fork around!! ooo i did hurt me right in me nether to be seen bits..the reason for the knees up i prosume is so yu cant jump outa fe-rkin window!
so...the thing continues, fingers out...ffffffffffffffew..dunnit, he turns to me and sais 'i have to ask, do you insert large imploments', hu? fu gawds sake theres me not humouring and the guys got me! lmao!! but no, they have to ask..so i reply 'well..no?'
ok the hard bits dun, still a bit of tingy tang on my new little finger there, the sweats slowing and the formalities of yes you've got a whopping pile there etc etc..as i walk out the door he's typing up on the pc there happily, i sort of couldnt hold it any more and gently asked 'do coke bottles count?' (and no i dont it was retaliasion on the question of large imploment, all in the best passs-able taiste like)
the poor bloke froze solid over the key board, i laughed out loud and left.
the moral to the tale is..shit!!! did that go on my records!!
the thing apeared one night and simply was gone one morning later, i cant help thinking about alien abductions and the old surgery thing 'something left in there'...hmmmm makes yu wander dont it.
'who is that masked man? its the kemosabby der..the bloody injun tells you every week!'
-
some bloke
- NON EMMET
- Posts: 9501
- Joined: 27 Jan 2012, 16:14
- Location: Leicester mostly but DEEP S.West sometimes
Re: I went to the toilet earlier
Ndew tag name -
coke bottle Stew.
Ps, floaters are the healthiest ones - even though they are the hardest to flush.
coke bottle Stew.Ps, floaters are the healthiest ones - even though they are the hardest to flush.