Jokes anyone ?

[rodp]

I got some Tesco value burgers out of my freezer today, lined 'em up side by
side, and they're offff!


I bought a burger at Tesco's café and the waitress said, "would you like
anything on it?" I replied, "a fiver each way.?


I've found it tough lately working on the Tesco meat counter. I feel like
I'm flogging a dead horse.


I heard that woman was admitted to hospital after eating a horse meat burger
but at least her condition is said to be stable.


So hungry I could eat a horse. Guess I'll go to Tesco.


99 per cent of people in the UK say they haven't been affected by eating
horse meat. That's according to a Gallop poll.


Are you in favour of horsemeat in your burgers? Yay or Neigh?


Is this the right type of bun for a Tesco burger? Yes, it's thorough bread.


To eat or not to eat, that is equestrian.


"Two Tesco burgers please. Hold the dressage."



Apparently Tesco has been horsing around with our burgers. Now it's saddled
with the responsibility. I guess they're just going to have to take the bit
between the teeth and come up with an excuse on the hoof. Personally I'd
like an apology straight from the horse's mouth but I have a feeling the
mane players will fail to take the reins.
All in all, it's a total nightmare. I'm not sure it will be able to ride
this out.

[22-250jock]

had this one sent to me today,

if like me, you grew up in the 70's -80's, see if this jogs your memory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeEWtNaW6KE

cheers jock

[Mr Q]

Jack and Jill went up the hill with a quart of brandy.
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed,
Now there's Jack, Jill and little Andy.

Jack and Jill went up the hill...each of them had a quater.
Jack came down with 50 cents...they didn't go up for water.

There once was a woman named Starkey who had an affair with a darky
For the result of her sins they thought they'd have twins,
but instead had quins..2 light, 2 dark and one karki.

[PESCA]

Sorry fellas, but even jokes have to be PC. Sorry. So, think before you type, please

George

[Mr Q]

A pretty little poodle dog is trotting down one side of a street singing,"...all I want for Christmas is a big fat bone" over and over.

On the other side of the street a huge St. Benard dog hears the poodle's song and crosses the street towards the poodle singing, "Here comes Santa Clause, here comes Santa Clause..."

[Dustyman]

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks "excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?" the shop keepers heart melts., he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level, and says ."do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit., or one like that widdle bwown one over there.?." the little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers . . . "i dont wealy fink my pyfon gives a shit !

[Mr Q]

GULP...and that's the end of the cute wittle wabbit

[22-250jock]

for those that havn't seen it 'sad dog diary' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw1C5T-f ... pp=desktop

made me chuckle

[paulham]

for those that havn't seen it 'sad dog diary' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw1C5T-f ... pp=desktop

made me chuckle

Hahaha. Funniest thing I've seen on a long time!

[Norfolkandgood]

for those that havn't seen it 'sad dog diary' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw1C5T-f ... pp=desktop
made me chuckle

Very good! That tickled me!

And an old favourite....

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", says the teacher.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "F#ck," the rottweiler ate him"