What d'ya know?
What Did ya get
I'll start.
Why did nobody bid for rudolph and blitzen at auction?.........because they were two deer!
Christmas cracker jokes
Christmas cracker jokes
ITS CHRISTMAS DAY BITCHES!!!
What d'ya know?
What Did ya get
I'll start.
Why did nobody bid for rudolph and blitzen at auction?.........because they were two deer!
What d'ya know?
What Did ya get
I'll start.
Why did nobody bid for rudolph and blitzen at auction?.........because they were two deer!
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
Right Sunndog here is my haul.
Three vintage books by Denys Watkins-Pitchford "BB"
A hard to find copy of Colin McKelvie's book about Woodcock
Thumbhole stock and a forend for a Remmy 1100
Set of "Briley" Remmy 2o gauge choke tubes
all the above 2nd hand
no Christmas Crackers so no jokes !
" a bargain really ? she said what do you want, I said money that I could invest in a good cause" and there would be less waist for the Planet and no recycling as I would not need any wrapping paper or any unwanted prezzies .
It's a win win all round
Phil
Three vintage books by Denys Watkins-Pitchford "BB"
A hard to find copy of Colin McKelvie's book about Woodcock
Thumbhole stock and a forend for a Remmy 1100
Set of "Briley" Remmy 2o gauge choke tubes
all the above 2nd hand
no Christmas Crackers so no jokes !
" a bargain really ? she said what do you want, I said money that I could invest in a good cause" and there would be less waist for the Planet and no recycling as I would not need any wrapping paper or any unwanted prezzies .
It's a win win all round
Phil
Last edited by hairyyoda on 26 Dec 2016, 16:32, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
Trying to remember them 
They're usually so corny they go in one ear and out the other.
What motorbike does santa ride ? ............ A Holly Davidson.
They're usually so corny they go in one ear and out the other.What motorbike does santa ride ? ............ A Holly Davidson.
"Land Rover, the worlds best 4x4 by far"
"Argo, a great 8x8"
"Argo, a great 8x8"
-
22-250jock
- Posts: 2437
- Joined: 07 Dec 2012, 17:53
- Location: west sussex
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25. There’s "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?
Noël Coward!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you just can’t beat it!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
Horn-aments!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25. There’s "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep loosing their needles!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?
Noël Coward!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you just can’t beat it!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
“When guns are outlawed, only the Government will have guns. The Government - and a few outlaws. If that happens, you can count me among the outlaws.”
― Edward Abbey,
― Edward Abbey,
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
jock, you know all those ? That's just sad 
"Land Rover, the worlds best 4x4 by far"
"Argo, a great 8x8"
"Argo, a great 8x8"
-
22-250jock
- Posts: 2437
- Joined: 07 Dec 2012, 17:53
- Location: west sussex
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
rodp wrote:jock, you know all those ? That's just sad
thats what happens when you spend christmas with the inlaws.........
I'M BORED STUPID!!!!
“When guns are outlawed, only the Government will have guns. The Government - and a few outlaws. If that happens, you can count me among the outlaws.”
― Edward Abbey,
― Edward Abbey,
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
22-250jock wrote:rodp wrote:jock, you know all those ? That's just sad
thats what happens when you spend christmas with the inlaws.........
I'M BORED STUPID!!!!
"Land Rover, the worlds best 4x4 by far"
"Argo, a great 8x8"
"Argo, a great 8x8"
-
22-250jock
- Posts: 2437
- Joined: 07 Dec 2012, 17:53
- Location: west sussex
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
not as if i can just hop in the car and pop home.......
330miles each way......sussex to north east
at least they'll be coming down to us next year, and the boy and me can get out shooting when we get bored
330miles each way......sussex to north east
at least they'll be coming down to us next year, and the boy and me can get out shooting when we get bored
“When guns are outlawed, only the Government will have guns. The Government - and a few outlaws. If that happens, you can count me among the outlaws.”
― Edward Abbey,
― Edward Abbey,
Re: Christmas cracker jokes
Can't beat Christmas at home, on your own. Just me and the missus here this Christmas, absolute bliss now the kids have gone
"Land Rover, the worlds best 4x4 by far"
"Argo, a great 8x8"
"Argo, a great 8x8"